Be Supportive

When your spouse wants to engage in a new endeavor or try to start a business or whatever the case may be, try to be supportive! A lot of men don't feel the true support of their spouses when they try to step out and do something that they feel is a strong move. For men, it is important that they be the providers that they are meant to be. So they may try several things that may fail for different reasons, but don't let one of those reasons be the lack of spousal support. I know it may get annoying and if it comes to a place where its a constant strain on your finances, then discuss it. Never start out discouraging!

Be Honest

A sure way to cause conflict in your marriage is to hide things from one another. Sometimes, while watching movies you find yourself yelling at the screen saying, "just tell her" or "just tell him"! Suspicions can be avoided by simply being honest. Your spouse should be your best friend. Therefore, you should be able to talk to them about everything. Being truthful allows all feelings to be out in the open and leaves no room for hidden desires or misunderstandings.

Be Open-Minded

Adventure is caffeine in a relationship. Yes, those quiet evenings at home watching movies are great. But, sometimes you should get out and do new things. Not necessarily bungee jumping, but something that gets your adrenaline pumping. Experiencing new things together creates a visible bond between you. Pull over at a grassy field and run through it. Make out in the car or somewhere new. One thing that is true for most men is that they love spontaneity! When a woman can just go with the flow it can drive a man wild! We as women tend to have more reservations than men. Just relax sometimes and trust the person you love. It can take your relationship to another level!

Let It Go

Yes you are an individual and you like things a certain way, but in a marriage you just have to let some things go. If you are in love with your spouse, your desire should not be to change everything about them! Most men don't care about how the toothpaste looks, or if hair is on the sink, and definitely not if the toilet seat is up. Ladies, we have to understand that's their nature and just let it go. Once we start to nitpick about every little thing it starts to feel like a parental relationship instead of a marriage. That same feeling that you have as a teenager when your parent is always breathing down your neck about something comes into your marriage. It is the beginning of longing to get away and out of the house. Then the real problems start! Just love one another and let simple things go. There will be more challenging things ahead!

What other "laws" do we go by?

Thanks for the question. It is simple:

Live by the Word of God

Offer support and honesty to your spouse

Value each other

Enjoy Life

Following LOVE keeps everything in perspective and allows a sort of freshness to remain in the marriage!

Foundation

Since today is Sunday, let me tell you the most important part of any relationship. A man and a woman must both have an ACTIVE relationship with GOD in order to maintain a healthy marriage for a long period of time! I am sure that there are those that will contest this theory. I will say from my experience, every struggle my marriage has come to, we have overcome through prayer and faith in God! It takes one who IS love to teach us how to love another as, if not more, than ourselves. It is our faith that teaches us patience and patience helps us realize that it takes time to build a strong relationship between two people. To believe that God exists, is to acknowledge that there is someone created just for us and that life-long marriages are still possible through Him!

How much should one person compromise?

Thanks for the question Dorothy. As we have stated, compromise is a foundational part of a relationship. It is not beneficial to the relationship if one person is doing all of the sacrificing, because it eventually builds resentment. Love causes us to desire to see one another happy. That means that each person will yield equally to have a peaceful relationship. If that is not the case, it seems that one's love for the relationship is stronger than the other's. And in some cases, learning to compromise may take a little longer. It is very difficult to put others before yourself and it may take some longer than others to add that concept to their way of thinking. I would suggest a conversation between the two of you with you explaining what is lacking and what you expect. Although you want to get your point across, you don't want it to seem like an attack. So maybe over a nice dinner bring it up calmly. If you love one another then it will come. Just be sure that the love is there on your partner's part and that you are not just being taken advantage of.

Compromise

Compromising is one of the foundational elements in any relationship! It is not an easy task because you are used to doing what makes you happy, spending your money the way you want to, staying out as long as you'd like, but those are characteristics of an individual. Once you are married you are two people living as one. That means sometimes you may have to do things you may not necessarily enjoy for the happiness of your spouse. You may have to save money that you would normally run out and spend. It takes discipline and determination, but as long as you are in love it is very possible! So ladies make some appetizers and get ready for the playoffs. Guys take your lady out on the town and to your local shoe store(LOL!). As you compromise, you prove to your spouse that he/she is important to and you have the ability to put yourself aside for him/her.

Make Time

We realize that sometimes with work and in some cases children, it starts to get hard to just take time to attend to one another. No matter what, it is important to make time for you and your spouse to be alone and bask in each other's presence. Bring out the oils and give each other a relaxing massage(most women love foot rubs guys). This helps maintain a close relationship between you and creates that special touch that only your spouse can give! It is so rewarding to be able to come out of a stressful day or situation and find peace and relaxation in your spouse's touch. It is well worth whatever time you have to sacrifice in order to create that bond!

What if your spouse rejects your compliments?

First, thanks for asking this question. Now, since it is human nature to enjoy compliments, there are obviously deeper issues between you when you can't receive each others compliments. Compliments can't come right after a disagreement because your spouse has not had time to deal with his/her feelings from your recent spat. So he/she is most likely to reject it assuming that you are "trying to be funny". The problem with giving the right answer to this question is that I don't know your situation. You could have built up resentment for lacking the ability to deal with issues as they arise, instead of allowing them to simmer into a boil. In that case, you both need to be willing to find the source of your discord and cut it from the root. When you are married you have to be more willing to understand each other and fight together for your relationship. The first step in this process is time together to recall the things that brought you together. The truth is that a lot of marriages fail because the things that drew you together began to fade over time. You don't have any romance or spontaneity anymore, you don't randomly send flowers anymore, you don't stay up watching movies together, you get the idea. The main question is, do you love each other? If so, then do what's necessary to be back IN love.

Compliment

Everyone likes to hear good things about themselves. When you are not receiving compliments about yourself at home it becomes a strain on the marriage outside the home! If your spouse looks particularly nice in a certain outfit, tell them. Be sure to compliment their hair, their smile. Let them know the things you love about their features. You don't want to just think it, its important to say it. The truth is that when your partner lacks the ability to make you feel good about yourself, you will start to desire it else where. So if someone outside the relationship starts to consistently fill in where you fall short, be careful, they may just take your spot! So you guys catch our drift, compliment your spouse today!

Communication

Its been said over and over that communication is key in a marriage. That statement is very true. It does not always mean expressing your feelings all the time because that can become known as "nagging" and becomes lethal in a marriage. We think its important to talk about everything! Talk about your day, your plans, something funny you saw, funny expressions or habits your spouse unawaringly has. The worst thing is to be stuck in, maybe due to weather, with the power out and you realize you and your spouse are BORING! So it is key to communicate and continue learning one another. You should know secret places your spouse is sensitive to, topics that he/she will talk all day about, what makes your spouse upset,favorite foods or drinks,foods he/she hates. They may not admit it right away but the small things matter and the small things are learned through communication!

LISTEN

Have you ever been doing something and you heard your spouse start talking to you but before you realized it you had blocked them out to finish what you were doing? If it hasn't happened, it will! Your spouse may be agitated by it and that is perfectly normal and understandable. You need to acknowledge that you did not hear them and from that point give him/her your undivided attention. Your spouse's daily events and feelings should be important to you just because it is important to them! My husband is very into the recording side of music and I am more into the vocal aspects of it. Sometimes he gets to going about some new recording gadget that he's discovered and although I don't know much about the subject I love him enough to be interested in what interests him. You are still two different people with different hobbies and emotions, but by listening to one another it allows you to pull closer to being ONE.

Welcome

Hello

My name is Juanita and I am currently residing in Huntsville, AL. I want to welcome you to this blog that explores marriage and having the best possible married life! My husband and I would like to reach out to couples and answer questions, basically helping as much as possible. We want this to be a respectable, learning experience, so feel free to comment and leave feedback! Enjoy.